Cheryl Cole

Plucked from a humble life of ponytails pulled through the backs of baseball caps and velour tracksuits and thrust (ooh, matron) into the limelight, few could have anticipated the meteoric highs Chezza's career would reach.

But they did. And it was like she could do no wrong. And then she got into a scuffle over a lolly in a toilet. And then she married an annoying left-back. And through all this, we loved her.

One day she'll realise where she belongs. Where she can be herself, without pretence, and be truly happy. And we'll be here, waiting, with a warm hug, a big portion of fish 'n' chips and a Chocolate Orange for dessert.